Archives For anger

What Kind of Partner Do You Want to Be?

September 8, 2009 — Leave a comment

Link: What Kind of Partner Do You Want to Be?

via Steven Stosney: Negative reactivity between partners is what keeps couples making the same mistakes over and over. That’s when one cannot have a negative emotion without the other responding defensively. The principle holds even if the negative emotion is not expressed – one sulks, the other reacts. Reversing negative reactivity starts with questions that are more philosophical than psychological. You have to decide what kind of a person and partner you want to be. Do you want to be driven by your ego? Or motivated by your deepest values? Is your resentment or anger helping you be the person, parent, and intimate partner you most want to be? Read more…

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August 16, 2009 — Leave a comment

When we disrupt the natural healing process by focus on damage, unfairness, moodiness, blame, or victim identity, painful memories often cause depression, obsessions, resentment, anger, addictions, abuse, or violence. That is why it is so crucial to identify with your deepest longing to heal, improve, and create value.

Steven Stosny, Ph.D., treats people for anger and relationship problems. Recent books: How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It, and Love Without Hurt. See full article…

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50 Ways to Cause Fear and Shame

April 14, 2009 — Leave a comment

Link: 50 Ways to Cause Fear and Shame

25 ways to make a woman anxious + 25 ways to stimulate shame in a man

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Living with a Resentful or Angry Partner?

April 6, 2009 — Leave a comment

Link: Living with a Resentful or Angry Partner?

The biggest challenge of living with a resentful or angry person is to keep from becoming one yourself writes Steven Stosny, Ph.D. who has treated some 6,000 people for various anger and relationship problems. The high contagion and reactivity of resentment and anger are likely to make you into someone you are not. The second biggest challenge, should you decide to stay in a relationship with a resentful or angry person is getting him or her to change. Four major thorns are likely to obstruct transformation: Victim identity, Conditioned blame, Temporary narcissism, Negative attributions.

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Love, Marriage, and the Illusion of Certainty

March 3, 2009 — Leave a comment

Link: Love, Marriage, and the Illusion of Certainty

Lots of research shows that love is more effective at bringing us together than keeping us together. You may have heard the saying, “Love is easy; relationships are hard.” The truth is relationships are hard because love is easy. Strong feelings and sensations of any kind carry an illusion of certainty. With the exception of resentment, no emotional experience has more illusion of certainty than love. -Steven Stosny, Ph.D. via Psychology Today

Related Links: Anger in the Age of Entitlement

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